Monthly Archives: March 2007

Jerks

Stumbled upon this classic joke, which never fails to crack me up. Thought I would share it with all as well as keep it here in my site for easy reference later whenever I need a good laugh…;-P

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JERKS
For those of us who sometimes let opportunities like these pass us by…for those of us who allow ourselves to be treated rudely just because we don’t want to rock the boat….for those of us who keep our anger deep in side in order not to offend…and for those of us who are, because of all our polite behavior even in the face of meanness, propelling ourselves to that moment when we actually might consider buying a gun and letting loose in a suburban mall….this one is for you.

Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, “Hello?” I politely said, “This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?” Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn’t believe that anyone could be that rude.

I tracked down Robin’s correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled “You’re a jerk!” and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word “Jerk,” and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I’d call him up. He’d answer, and then I’d yell, ‘You’re a jerk!” It would always cheer me up.

Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jerk. Then one day I had an idea.

I dialed his number, then heard his voice, “Hello.” I made up a name. “Hi. This is Herman with the telephone company and I’m just calling to see if you’re familiar with our caller ID program?” He went, “No!” and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you’re a jerk!”

And the reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if there’s ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial 823-4863.

The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking space. I didn’t think she was ever going to leave. Finally her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the stall. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she’s finally leaving.

All of a sudden this black Camaro come flying up the parking isle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I started honking my horn and yelling, “You can’t just do that, Buddy. I was here first!” The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn’t even hear me.

I thought to myself, this guy’s a jerk, there sure are a lot of jerks in this world. I noticed he had a “For Sale” sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park.

A couple of days later, I was at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, “You’re a jerk!” (It’s really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial). I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my desk and thought I’d better call this guy, too.

After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, “Hello.” I said, “Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?”

“Yes it is.”

“Can you tell me where I can see it?”

“Yes, I live atВ 1802 West 34th street. It’s a yellow house and the car’s parked right out front.”

I said, “What’s your name?”

“My name is Don Hansen.”

“When’s a good time to catch you, Don?”

“I’m home in the evenings.”

“Listen Don, can I tell you something?”

“Yes.”

“Don, you’re a jerk!” And I slammed the phone down. After I hung up I added Don Hansen’s number to my speed dialer.

For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two jerks to call. Then after several months of calling the jerks and hanging up on them, the whole thing started to seem like an obligation. It just wasn’t as enjoyable as it used to be.

I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution.

First, I had my phone dial Jerk #1. A man answered nicely saying, “Hello.” I yelled “You’re a jerk!”, but I didn’t hang up.

The jerk said, “Are you still there?”

I said, “Yeah.”

He said, “Stop calling me.”

I said, “No.”

He said, “What’s your name, Pal?”

I said, “Don Hansen.”

“Where do you live?”

“1802 West 34th Street. It’s a yellow house and my black Camaro is parked out front.”

“I’m coming over right now, Don. You’d better start saying your prayers.”

I said, “Yeah, like I’m really scared, Jerk!” and I hung up.

Then I called Jerk #2.

He answered, “Hello.”

I said, “Hello, Jerk!”

He said, “If I ever find out who you are…”

“You’ll what?”

“I’ll kick your butt.”

“Well, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now Jerk!” And I hung up.

Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them a big gang fight was going down atВ 1802 West 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over toВ 34th StreetВ to watch the whole thing.

I turned ontoВ 34th StreetВ and parked my car under the shade of a tree half a block from Jerk #2’s house. There were two guys fighting out front. Suddenly there were about 12 police cars and a helicopter. The police wrestled the two men to the ground and took them away.

A couple of months go by and I got a call for jury duty. I was picked to be on a trial of two guys charged with disorderly conduct. As luck would have it, it happened to be the same two guys. I might have influenced the jury, because when they announced the verdict, they said, “We the jury find the defendants to be guilty, and a couple of jerks!”

(Originally posted on allandog.multiply.com)

Reel Review: Spiderman 3

I recalled one day when I decided to go for a session of buffet dim sum. The first wave of deliciously steamed goodies were laid down before me and were quickly snapped up. And then to my horror, there was an abrupt delay in waiting for the next wave of food. My machine-like stomach was beginning to slow down from top to 2nd gear when the fried stuff came along. Momentum slowed down again after that as I had to wait for some time before the table was filled again. This went on and on…When the meal ended, I was of course, filled (it’s a buffet anyway), but not really satisfied with the pacing of the food. That was exactly how I felt after enduring more than 2 hours of the over-hyped Spiderman 3.

Venom. The name of Spidey’s popular symbiote-villain was enough to make me excited to watch the third installment of Spiderman. With all actors, actresses and the director coming back to give the fans a third helping of fun and adventure, what could go wrong, right?

Alas! How wrong I was. Too bad my spidey sense didn’t warn me earlier…

Personally, this has got to be the worst chapter of Spidey on the silver screen. First and foremost, it was wayyyyy too draggy. Sure there were exciting moments (eg. First flying fight scene with the New Goblin) but the pacing switched wayyyy too much between melodramas and adrenaline pumping action. Somehow this round, the human aspect of Peter Parker (love life, struggles with death of uncle, friendships, etc.) didn’t gel well with the entire flow of the story.

Although we had 3 of them in this chapter (Sandman, Venom and New Goblin), all the villains didn’t really stand out. It was really sad not to see much more of Venom and the carnage (hmmm..;-P) he could do. In addition, it was really weird seeing PP having Venom’s black costume stashed away in the trunk when in fact Venom SHOULD be the suit itself when it attaches to PP. The special effects for Sandman was pretty good, but that’s about it. New Goblin was too soft and ungoblin-like. Maybe that’s because the whole movie premise was about Spidey battling his greatest villain – himself (within).

It was also rather disappointing to see Spidey not using all his powers, most notably his Spider Sense and also the lack of humor throughout the movie. The Gwen Stacey love triangle angle didn’t really take off as well. It was just sad to see Sam Raimi (Mr Director) trying to inject a lot of extras into the movie but none failed to lift off.

Some of the things I found to be missing that would make this movie great include pacing of action and drama should be smoother; more humor or scenes from the Daily Bugle office; more wise-cracks from Spidey as he is known for; more venomous and villainous villains?; etc.

In the end, I’m just glad that Mr Raimi has decided to take a rest after Part 3. If he had continued on to direct part 4 without any clear directions or ideas, it could make Spidey end up like the miserable Batman franchise sequels.

If you have to watch it, do it for the storyline continuity from the excellent Parts 1 & 2, but just don’t expect too much. After all, it’s only a comic book. 😉

Rating: ★★☆☆☆

(Originally posted on allandog.multiply.com)

Reel Review: Ghost Rider

I felt cheated. Absolutely gutted. Ghost Rider was one of the coolest iconic characters of the Marvel Universe and his first foray onto the silver screen was a complete disaster!

Personally, I felt that this movie is excellent proof of how well a good movie trailer can really deceive and hide the obvious. After watching the teasers and trailers a couple of months back, and of course being a sucker for comic-adapted movies, I was admittedly ‘sold’, not like poor JB, but sold and blown away by the effects and potential that was written all over the trailer.

What a sad pretense it turned out to be. Overall, the plot and storyline was lame; dialogue was stale and corny; acting was so bad that the CGI engineered ol’ Skull-Head were at times more brilliant then its human counter-parts. There was so much potential in GR and all they manged to come up with is this forgettable flick? Sigh.

It disappointed me to find out later that the director was the same, one and only captain who helmed the catastrophic disaster Daredevil to the depths of the abyss. Strange that he actually got a second chance at another Marvel project. Perhaps that explained why Nic Cage kept mumbling about how his character (JB) should be getting a second chance all throughout the movie. Double Sigh.

At the end of it, it really made me wonder if the industrious people behind Marvel are really starting to lose their heads and feet, as if they have come to a point (after successes of Spidey, X-Men, Hulk, FF, etc.) that they think they can milk anything out any characters in their comicdom. But if they think they can simply paint up GR in some effects laden showcase, wrap it up with some poorly written plot and lines and expect the people to love, pay and make it a success at the box-office, they must be grimly mistaken.

This is one movie that should be left in the grave. Tis sad to see GR treated that way. Oh how I wish he could produce that patented Penant Stare at all the crew involved in making a mockery outta his screen debut.

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

(Originally posted on allandog.multiply.com)

Aiyee…phone home…

10 years ago, I would not have felt a thing. Yup, I never carried one back then.

Today, I accidentally left my handphone at home as I rushed out from my home for work. Only realised it when I reached the office and cursed myself for the folly. True enough, I found myself grasping for my phone every now and then to my eternal dismay. Something that didn’t bother me a decade ago (in the public phone ages) is now making me cringe with helplessness as I found myself unable to proceed with certain tasks without its aid. After all, it did contain contact numbers of my erm, contacts, as well as reminders of my appointments when I’m on the move. Sigh.

Hours and hours without hearing my designated ringtones seemed eerily silent.

Having to call someone on the move suddenly felt like a necessity.

That went on for a few hours after I discovered the ‘departed’.

Now, 8 hours later, I think I’m slowly becoming sane again. Strange as it may seem, there are benefits to not having a handphone around.

No sudden unwanted calls from the boss.

Peace and silence in the restroom.

Getting to borrow other colleague’s phones.

Ears suddenly seemed more attentive to other sounds.

Ahhh….the sound of silence.

I guess sometimes when we are without something, or have our routine un-routinised only then do we realise or notice other things around us. 😉

So, would I attempt to go for another day without my handphone, you ask?

What?! It will never forgive me!! ;-P

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Number of the Day:

0 – phone calls from my handphone for the entire day. What peaceful bliss. 😉

(Originally posted on allandog.multiply.com)